the blue mayor

2010-11-16T17:50:00.001-08:00

mark twain

2010-05-10T19:52:00.000-07:00

"Where is my cowboy?" said the mayor. "I know there should be a cowboy on this blog, and that his name is Bill."

The mayor caught a piece of paper that was falling off the table and put it on the table, but then as he was getting up to leave his office he swiped it off the table with a sweaty palm, and it stuck to his palm. "Ah, the cowboy!" he said.

justin dobbs

2010-05-10T11:58:00.001-07:00

the jello horse

2010-05-05T10:19:00.000-07:00

The jello horse showed up early in the morning at the mayor's door. When the mayor opened the door the jello horse jumped into the mayor's arms. "I want you to cuddle me!" said the horse.

:~) "Oh, that's great!" said the mayor. The mayor put the jello horse in his fountain and poured red paint on the horse. The mayor looked over the horse. The jello horse ran into a problem. The jello horse was not happy being in the fountain. :`(

"Don't ever do that again," said the horse.

The jello horse had once lived with the mayor's aunt, whose name was Wendy. And Wendy had spoiled the jello horse. With the jello horse she had opened several ice cream shops and let the jello horse work the cash register, and when running the cash register the jello horse would make a funny comment about an old woman's blouse, or would eat a little of his own bullshit.

2010-05-05T10:10:00.000-07:00

"It's no secret that the fireman would like to get into my office," said the mayor. "And for this reason I have put a bucket on his head, and yet, as yet he knows nothing about the bucket."

the sky looks funny

2010-05-05T10:03:00.000-07:00

The sky looks funny. It looks like leaves, dry leaves. It has a very nice appearance, but I'm afraid of it. I'm afraid the sky is going to poison me. I'm afraid the sky is going to drip.

I have made a telescope in case anyone wants to look for me. I'm going to be traveling in my jeep up into the country. And when you spot me in the telescope I'll be leaping into the air. Yes, I will be making a suicide in reverse. That's what happens when I attack the sky. I will be attacking the sky with any means I can muster in the moment when I'm aloft.

the cake appeared

2010-05-05T09:52:00.000-07:00

The cake appeared. The cake was blue and the frosting was pink. I didn't hesitate. I began to eat the cake. I did not at first begin to slice it with a knife. I put a finger into the cake and shoved the cake into my face. I licked some of the frosting off the cake. I watched a handyman working below as I ate the cake. I called in my secretary and she also ate the cake. My secretary's dress was very quickly spoiled by the cake, but she still seemed very sexy with the cake on her dress. I began to slice the cake and hand them to my friends who I had called earlier on and then I touched my secretary's breasts while we ate slices of the cake on the couch. I allowed the cake to consume my thoughts.

The cake I had found had turned colors. The cake was now pink and it's frosting was black. I threw the cake out the window and went to my house and planted a fig tree. Then I slept.

shane jones warns the mayor of february

2010-04-30T13:05:00.001-07:00

Hello,

It's a strange feeling to have a book come out twice, and even stranger to have to promote the book a second time. The first go, Light Boxes was 100% supported by indie lit readers, bloggers, publishers, and reviewers like yourself and I want to thank all of you. I'm also asking for your help one more time to get the word out to more readers. Light Boxes will be re-issued by Penguin on May 25.

What you can do to help:

Level 1 Support: Rate Light Boxes on Goodreads. Or, tweet or facebook status: Death To February and link to a purchase page like Amazon, Indiebound, Powell's, etc.

Level 2 Support: Write an Amazon review.

Level 3 Support: Write a blog post (or re-post if you wrote one before) about Light Boxes. If you don't have a blog, complete/repeat as many elements of Level 1 Support and skip to final level of support.

Level 4 Support: Complete all levels and agree to receive free stickers, postcards, and a book of your choosing, while supplies last.

Secret Bonus Level: Pre-order book.

What I'm giving:

Books I have: The Failure Six, A Cake Appeared, Nightmare Filled You With Scary, I Will Unfold You With My Hairy Hands. Once you've reached Level 4 Support - email me with your address and one book of your choosing. I'll mail materials and a signed copy as soon as possible.

Again, thank you everyone for being so nice and hopefully I'll see some of you this summer at readings.

Shane

www.shane-jones.com

a drive into the country

2010-04-26T17:29:00.000-07:00

It was a long drive into the country. The mayor was driving in his jeep to a relative's apartment. The relative lived in a spartan cabin, alone and in good health. The relative's name was Tom Seattle. The mayor wasn't disturbed by the man's son, who lived nearby and whose favorite game was jumping out in front of vehicles and then jumping out of their way in the nick of time.

The mayor had tea with Tom in Tom's living room. The living room was very small and yet very comfortable and had an expansive view over the wilderness from a large window.

Tom was a widower, at least that was his claim on the mayor's visit, which was Saturday, and later would fall on a Sunday. When night went down, that was when the fish that Tom had caught would be baked and then eaten, and then both of them would feel winded.

After tea, the mayor brought up Tom's son, who was peeping through the window and jumping into the pond and coming out again very quickly. He said, "and what about your son? Is he still as stupid as I think is?" which caused Tom to delay a blink, or maybe three. "I don't know," said Tom. "What do you think?"

walt whitman

2010-04-23T10:34:00.000-07:00

what are you looking for?

2010-04-23T08:55:00.000-07:00

moonsauce

2010-04-22T17:08:00.000-07:00

"I have never used moonsauce on my food before," said the mayor while sitting in the diner. A waitress had been standing over him. She had been speaking at length while gesticulating somewhat wildly with the bottle of moonsauce in her hand and occasionally the sauce would fly about out of the bottle and land on the table and on the floor, and sometimes on a young girl, though it would immediately be wiped up by an aide of the mayor's, "but," said the mayor, "I welcome it."

The waitress poured the moonsauce on the mayor's plate, which also had a cheeseburger on it, and some fries. The moonsauce quivered. The mayor looked up at the waitress. She was smiling. She rubbed and massaged one of his shoulders.

The mayor went on about a tax plan that he had recently created while eating the burger and fries with the moonsauce and he noticed as he was speaking and eating that the other diners in the diner were also imbibing the sauce. The mayor suddenly felt really bad. He didn't have a stomach ache, but something was surely off. The mayor felt maybe that for a short time he had lost control over the town, so he immediately ran back to his office.

2010-04-22T16:51:00.000-07:00

richard yates

10

2010-04-21T12:53:00.000-07:00

as recorded by Sam Pink

The mayor walked into a public restroom at a zoo. He felt like there was someone touching him at different areas on his body but there was no one there. He kept scratching himself and hitting at the areas. "My god," he said. He sat in a stall and closed the door. He was breathing hard. He saw the face of the only girlfriend he had in high school; it formed from the pen marks on the door. "You are a failure," she said. The mayor said, "I know," and he sat there until a son he had never met came into the bathroom and walked him out into the day. The mayor had become very old and no longer had hope to do any fun things. The place outside the bathroom was no longer a zoo but a field of red dandelions, each scented by a different animal hormone. And somewhere on the other side of the earth there was another side of the earth.

partial list of citizens of my town i wish to banish

2010-04-21T12:27:00.000-07:00

Judy - Laundromat Operator

Does not actually own the laundromat. She only does the laundry, and does it badly. She burps in her sleeps. Is actually quite lovely and would like to screw her, but not enough to matter.

Tom Gary - Lumberjack

Has a stupid name for one. Claims to be a lumberjack, yet never have I seen him cut or otherwise jack a piece of lumber. Maybe he should be called a lubrijack b/c of what he does inside of spas.

Mal Perry - Owner of a Diner

Mal looks funny. He looks like one of those people you often see in diners, which is no surprise at all. I will never accept a cup of coffee from his hands.

Terry Hutch - Blanket Salesman

Terry is a bad seller of blankets. Am unsure of how he stays in business. Terry is very isolated and anti-social. He doesn't have his wife. I don't know where he lives, though I have followed him on many occasions around bends and through rivers, and he always gets away.

Manny Peru - Investigator

He lies to me, but no one else, which is extremely vexing, and to make things worse, he's very cunning.

9

2010-04-21T09:45:00.001-07:00

"Uh oh, I better go."

Helene Cixous

2010-04-21T09:38:00.001-07:00

There was a problem with the coffee. The mayor wasn't aware of it and he fully expected to receive his morning cup when his secretary would pop into his office, but she didn't pop this time, and he didn't drink; he could barely move, not out of anger, but fatigue; his head fell on the desk; the head made a noise, and it was pleasing.

A few minutes later the telephone rang. The mayor hardly stirred. His head didn't move, but his hand went up to pick up the phone and he slowly moved the phone to his head.

"Hello?"

"Hi."

"Who's this?"

"Sally."

"How you doin', Sally?"

"Great."

"That's good."

7

2010-04-19T17:29:00.000-07:00

"You may be wondering why I have chosen the words 'fuck your tree' to describe my current state of mind this morning as I was cleaning the coffee filter," said the mayor while sending his cat off in a blue wheelbarrow down a sharp incline, "and it's really very simple. Very simple."

2010-04-19T14:11:00.001-07:00

justin dobbs

6

2010-04-16T09:47:00.000-07:00

"Don't imagine that I wouldn't beat you at skip rope," said the mayor. He was at home, in his kitchen. We were eating a salad. The mayor was looking at a portrait of his grandmother which hung from a rope outside his window. The mayor's eyes began to gloss, or glass. But then he finished his milk.

5

2010-04-15T13:09:00.001-07:00

The mayor met the cowboy in the park. The cowboy was dressed in his favorite outfit, a walrus patterned muumuu, a pair of snakeskin slippers, and a cowboy hat. The cowboy's name was Bill Early. He had never worked for the mayor before and he had never grown aloe vera in a garden. The mayor said, "now listen Bill." He said, "we should go elsewhere."

The mayor returned to his office with Bill while unknowingly dragging a long piece of pink paper from his left boot, which kept unraveling, and was often stepped on by some nasty people who were following him, who seemed to be always following him, although sometimes they drank coffee at the diner.

Without his muumuu Bill would feel cold in the office, so he resolved to keep it on, although as often he desired to exhibit his sexuality in a place of power, and the mayor's office was the most powerful place he had ever been, and it even had a tray of fresh buns.

The mayor looked Bill over several times from his seat behind the desk while Bill looked at the buns. Finally the mayor allowed him to take one of them, and watched Bill as he ate it. Afterward, Bill thanked the mayor.

The phone rang. Is it you, reader? Is it you, who have stumbled across the blog? Are you going to tell me your name, and describe yourself? Are you going to follow me?

The mayor said into the phone, "I need more people in my town, and for several reasons."

The Mayor Issues a Proclamation

2010-04-14T13:47:00.000-07:00

"Starting today, anyone who follows me on my blog will be included in my story, which will be posted at my leisure."

The mayor pushed the cat off the stage and ran swiftly back to his office.

2010-04-14T13:40:00.001-07:00

Where are my friends, said the mayor. Where are the people who should be following me on this blog? I don't understand myself.

The mayor left the rake and went inside. He added three logs to the fire then went and sat on the couch with his Jim, a cat. Sandy was in the recliner, asleep. The mayor counted four dreams that had passed through Sandy's mind in the few minutes that he observed while making sketches of the dreams. One of the sketches looked like this:

Another looked like this one:

The mayor thought little of the very pretty shoes that were on the floor of the room and returned to her thoughts.

2

2010-04-06T15:39:00.000-07:00

The mayor went with Sandy to his home. At his home the mayor opened a cupboard.

"I don't like to eat crackers," he said.

Later the mayor returned with a large bag of groceries. He put the groceries on the kitchen table. He carefully set each grocery on the table outside of the bag. He left the room. He went to the front door and said to the woman standing outside the door,

"I talked with your father in town. He said he'd be leaving the town really soon. He said he'd give me the bakery, to manage, while he was gone. I have never managed a bakery nor do I have the time, since I am the mayor. Being mayor is really time-consuming. Please come inside."

The mayor helped the woman put away the groceries. The mayor watched the woman as she was doing it. He wanted her to put things in the wrong places and correct her and laugh sometimes.

The mayor went upstairs and did back exercises and went downstairs. He didn't like to eat alone.

1

2010-01-28T13:49:00.000-08:00

The mayor inspected the water pump.

"Ah," he said. "And so here is the water pump. I have for a very long time been seeking such a pump. And what did you say your name is? Oh, it doesn't matter, what matters really is that the pump is being managed, and has been managed, and it will be managed.

"I don't really think I'll use the pump right away. You must understand that I have waited for many months, have written countless reports, ate perhaps a hundreds sandwiches, and traveled through several dismal small towns which nevertheless I was tempted to make a stop into, for the pump to be seen by me. And what a nice day it is, and how pleasant and soft is your dress. Of course you won't mind if I sit here by you for awhile? Well, of course you don't. And what's your name?

"And so your name is Sally. Well, Sally, I must bid you farewell. You understand it's not without some regret that I'm now relieving you of your post, since it isn't from any sort of lack that this is happening. It's simply that the pump is now to be put to greater use, and besides all that I have another use for you, and this is that you will be a mistress in my home.

"Yes, it's a great reward that has come upon you, since my home and my body are what so many so long have cherished, and for a very great reason, as you can feel upon your stomach right now, and upon your hair, and which you will soon feel on some other places, but not right now."